If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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