A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
