walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
