Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
