I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
