The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
