I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
