is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
