Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
