whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Holy shit dude........stairs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
