There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
