How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
