my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
