i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
