you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
