Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Semen is not good for contacts.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
