I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
