You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
