If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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