You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
