piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
