he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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