i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
