yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
