Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
