Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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