3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just pynch a tree in the face
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
