Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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