No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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