he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you pee in the oven last night??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
