college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
