I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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