Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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