i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
