my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
