I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
