Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
