She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
