i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
