just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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