just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
