well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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