At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
