Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
