i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
