Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
