if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
