I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
