apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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