I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
