oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
