He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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