in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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