I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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